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this life is not my own
Recent Entries 
26th-Oct-2007 12:19 am(no subject)
i really miss home.
22nd-Jul-2007 11:05 am - update
from now on, unless i want to make an exciting announcement, this livejournal will be viewed by friends only. if you're not on my friends list and would like to be added, just let me know. =)
12th-Jul-2007 10:02 am - oops, correction
haha silly me, i made a mistake when i wrote the entry about korea. the koreans raised 4 MILLION, not billion. for some reason, i really thought they raised 4 billion...oops. it's million...MILLION
10th-Jul-2007 11:47 am - for the girls
tonight, my heart breaks for the girls and the women who can't see how precious, unique, and beautiful they are. i am angry at the media and the people who keep on telling our women these lies, and also at people who try to define women and girls by the way they look or their achievements. no one has the right to tell someone that they're not worthy of being loved because out of love, Jesus died for all of us. no one has the right to call someone ugly or fat because every single person is fearfully and wonderfully made. you are beautiful just the way you are, and don't let anyone make you think that you're less than that.

tonight, i grieve for the women who feel like they are not enough, and that they need to change in order to be accepted. my hope is for these wounded ones to see that they are loved by the King, and no one can take their royal identities away. i pray that all these lies will be crushed by the Word that gives life and freedom, and i also pray that God will continue to send confident, secure, godly women to minister to the women who are hurting and lost.

"a tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit"- proverbs  15:4

"the tongue has the power of life and death..." -proverbs 18:21

let us not use our words to criticize, belittle, or tear down others; instead, may we use them to edify, inspire, and love. there are already too many wrong messages being sent around in this world, and my prayer is that we will be bearers of truth so that He can shine.
7th-Jul-2007 09:42 am - cm 2007 reflections
just got back from cm2007 in busan, korea. 20,000 christians from all over the world gathered there to praise God and pray for the nations. all the hotels in the area were booked. the koreans spent 3 years praying and preparing for this event, and raised 4 million US dollars for it. we had performances from all cultures, world renowned speakers, seminars to choose from. everything we did and had was free; the koreans payed for it. from cm 2007, i really saw how the body of christ functions as a world. the koreans are famous for praying, the americans for their wealth, and the africans for their expressful passion. the presence of God filled the place each day as i held hands and prayed with people from all nations--people that i've never even spoke to before. but we were all united in jesus christ and his love. we learned about God's working in the entire world, and how 6000 campuses have not heard about Jesus yet. 20,000 people lifting up their prayers to God at the same time--reminded me of how our prayers are like incense to God. wonderful, surreal experience.

29th-Jun-2007 10:16 pm(no subject)
so here i am, sitting in my hotel room in seoul, korea. i'm flying out to busan for cm2007 tomorrow morning, where i'm going to meet 20,000 other chrisians from all over the world! the hotel room is really nice, it even has a computer with internet access in each room! haha there's a crib in my room too.

at first i was kind of nervous about flying out by myself to a country whose language i don't understand. i also had to make my own phone calls to the hotel myself after getting out of customs. i had to live at a place i've only seen pictures of for a night. so yeah, i was a bit scared. but everything turned out better than i had expected it to be! i met a group of taiwanese ppl who are going to cm2007 on the plane, and spent the entire plane ride chatting with them. afterwards, i met this old lady on the ride to my hotel, and she showed me around the area and even treated me to dinner! It is so amazing how God provides, even to the extent of my eating and living arrangements! I experienced first hand matthew 6:29-31 today! praise Him =)
24th-May-2007 11:41 am - long update
each time i return to taiwan, i am reminded of how broken the world is, and how urgent it is to save souls. i am reminded that suffering is common, and to use every opportunity i have for His kingdom and glory...to not look at my own wants and needs, but only to the cross. God recently gave me the chance to reach out to some people in hsinchu, and i posted them on xanga. here are the entries if you want to read them (but they're pretty long)


it wasn't until recently that i realized how much weight my parents' words and thoughts carry. i didn't notice this until the other day, when i felt super relieved when my mom told me that it's ok if i never get married. i realized that for the entire time, a large part of my desire and worries about getting married stemmed from my parents. if my parents were totally fine with my not tying the knot, then i don't think i'd feel that obligated to get married. i mean, i still would like to, but i wouldn't care as much about it. if my parents were super supportive of my going to china, then i think there wouldn't be anything holding me back anymore. i'd go without any despair or worries. however, i am pretty sure that i'll end up married one day. through the beggar incident, God sort of showed me that my ministry would be more effective and powerful if i get married. still not 100% sure yet, but i'd be fine either way.

there is one thing i wish would change though...i wish my dad could see that i'm happy just being where i am, the way i am. i don't need to be skinnier, paler, have bigger boobs, smaller feet, or have a boyfriend to be happier. i don't need those to feel secure. he keeps on wanting "the best" for me and for me to be happy, but i already am.
8th-May-2007 04:26 am(no subject)
new lesson:

"trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths striaight." -proverbs 3:5

I haven't thought about this verse in a while (at least a year), and recently God just gently placed it on my heart. i guess this will be the lesson that i'll be learning over the summer. i hope to see fruits from this challenge. =)

I'm just glad that the whole lesson/season on God being my defender and boasting in my weaknesses has drawn to an end (or has it?). It was definitely one of the hardest times in my life, but at the same time they are a few of the most valuable lessons God has taught me. I thank Him for always tearing down the useless kingdoms that I've built for myself, and constructing better and stronger ones Himself. Afterall, it is only when the jar of clay is broken that people can see the treasures inside.
4th-Apr-2007 11:29 pm(no subject)

  The 30 hour famine materials just arrived yesterday (a pretty heavy box), and with it came a DVD about problems in Africa, such as AIDS, drought, famine, poverty, slavery, rape, and child-soldiers. My heart broke and I wept for the people in Africa. There are many 2 year olds who are less than 15 lbs, and because of the malnutrition, they have yet learned how to walk. Mothers watch helplessly as their children are literally wasting away. Girls as young as 11 years old are forced into marriage and suffer rape and abuse. Children cannot attend school because of poverty and droughts. A little boy talked about how he and his siblings were forced to kill their mother, and later on he said, “When I think about my mother…how can I live on this earth?” At such a young age he already learned the lesson, “to kill or to be killed.” I know that this was not God’s intention and it grieves Him.

  We are called to be God’s hands and feet. We are the ones who need to bring hope and joy to the afflicted, justice to the oppressed, love to the outcasts, liberty to the captives, and food for the hungry. We are called to do these things wherever we are. We are called to love not with words or tongue but with actions and in truth (1 John 3:18). The world can laugh at us and Satan can tell us lies that make us undermine ourselves, but we have an almighty and powerful God. Do not believe in the lie that you are just one person, and that one person cannot make a difference.

  Although most of us cannot physically be in Africa and help out there, we can still help by participating in the 30 hour famine. Just a dollar can feed a child for a day. Forgo a smoothie and you can feed an entire family for a day. From the DVD, I learned that Americans spend 1 billion dollars dining out everyday, while 799 million people go to sleep hungry every night. American teens spend an average of $101 a week, which is the same amount of money that is enough to send two African children to school for a year! It is extremely possible for each one of us to raise at least $50 for this event!

  I praise God for continuing to reveal to me His heart for the poor and the broken, wherever they are. I praise Him for always showing me how self-absorbed and unloving I can be, and change my heart through that. The more I see how sinful and broken the world is, the more I sense its desperation for His deliverance. Praise Him for always reminding me that this life is not my own, but for His glory alone!

--edit--

i think as God shows me more of the brokenness in this world, the greater my desire to help them becomes. in the past, i would think a lot and ask God to provide me a partner (aka husband) in carrying out His vision, but i think slowly and secretly, God has changed my thinking. i woke up one day (not too long ago--i think about a week) and discovered my fear for carrying out God's calling for me by myself was eradicated. i really don't mind going alone. i still would like to get married and have my own family, but if that's not what God has in store for me, i think i will be fine with it. my heart's sole desire is to make Christ known. i just want to love Him and love people. i want to see and experience His extent of love for the unlovable. i want to live a life of abandon for Jesus. and if marriage is part of God's plan for me, i trust that the guy will not be intimidated by my passion for God like most other guys, and that he will love me because he sees Jesus in me. i trust that he will have the same vision/calling as i, and his love for God will be stronger than mine. =)


3rd-Apr-2007 12:11 am - sometimes i really don't like myself
can i be even dumber? i *just* found out that i took 3 classes that i don't even need this semester! i already fulfilled the requirements and yet i still registered for those courses. and i didn't find out until NOW, when it's wayyy too late to change anything. because of my stupidity, i now face the possibility of not being able to graduate on time. either that, or i'll have to take SEVEN courses next semester in order to make up for my retardation. and i don't know if i can manage seven courses.

uuuugggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....why am i so retarded
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